The Island with Bear Grylls, edition: “You feminists asked for it.”

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So, i have been watching this show. Let me put some background to this.

Bear Grylls, a guy much smarter than he shows, decided to make a TV show where he put 13 men on a pacific island and let them survive with only few basic supplies (some tools to be able to light fire through friction, a day’s worth of clean water and some basic medical supplies) and one day’s  worth of survival training.

So, to make a long story short, the men have some infighting, they secure themselves water but generally lack food most of the time, manage to get a steady supply of food eventually, and generally get everything right after a few weeks of hard labor. They elect a leader, form a bond with each other, even have some leaving-the-island ceremony.

So, this epic guy, Bear Grylls, gets verbally attacked by feminists because he chose to take only men. So, this awesome genius, Bear Grylls, decides at the next season to get 14 men (with one day of training) on an island, and another 14 women (with two days of training) on another island. Of course, the harpies, excuse me i mean feminists, decided this was not fine either, but anyway.

The magnificent Bear Grylls, who fought the worst heat and cold, climbed the highest mountains and survived the worst of conditions, succumbs to them. It reminds me of the joke “cockroaches can survive the apocalypse, but not some anti-bug spray”.

So, back to the subject, let’s see what happens on the islands. Beware because there are spoilers below.

On the mens’ island in the few first days the weaklings explode and get out of the island (faster than the women amazingly). Both the builders are out, so that’s getting seriously tougher for the others. Why did they even sign in if they would get out in the first chance? Anyway, in the next days the men manage to find a good source of water, boil it in the campfire they made, make some elevated beds, protect their fire at all costs. They, as expected, have some alpha male issues which get resolved pretty quickly, they fight a bit, but eventually get along. Every bit of food they find is an effort and go to great lengths to find it.

Women on the other side. First thing they do, that the awesome Bear Grylls also comments on, is that they spend a lot of time hugging each other and staying at the starting point to socialize… Then they find two jerry cans (the luck begins) that ensure their capability to carry water, if they can find it… And not get lost…

Seriously. They split the group, so that one of the groups goes to find a beach to make camp. I don’t understand the logic of leaving half the people in the jungle, but anyway. Of course they get lost, and the circles they do are ridiculously funny, as they are shown on a map.

They are actually lucky enough to find yucca plants all over the place. They do not preserve them right and they go bad. Cool. Then two piglets actually follow them around. I am not joking. They are following them around. Oh, and they get the tool to light a fire through friction destroyed by the many attempts so they get a new one from the rescue team.

Let me add here. One of the women claims to be a vegetarian. And we also know the general idea is that women are the compassionate/kind/caring/whatever ones. Well, they actually murder those piglets, who become their first meal. Why do i say “murdered” while they are in a survival situation? Well, when a creature puts their trust in you because of their naive and you murder and eat them you are not exactly considered much of a human(e).

(Oh, about the vegetarian. She and two other women find a bottle of energy drink while scavenging and never share it with the others, while all men on the other island share everything.)

So, after that, they begin starving again. After failing to get a hold of a trapped boar, they find it sleeping under a tree the next day, so they jump it and kill it. After that, and a few failed attempts at catching fish (which they seem to lose continually because they do not secure their catch before cheering), they manage to catch one fish, which they want to use as bait at the beach to catch larger fish. And they keep wondering why the fish gets back to them when they toss it against the waves.

They manage to lose one of their jerry cans and they can’t filter enough water for them to survive, they eat half-rotten meat and nearly leave the island because of dehydration. They literally didn’t have water and instead of trying to find some they sit there and cry about how thirsty they are. Oh yes, they cry a lot by the way during the show. Must be the “compassionate” thing…

They manage to fish and catch one fish (the men must have gotten more than 50). As a “miracle” (and because the supreme Bear Grylls didn’t want his show spoiled) a fishing boat “appears” and gives them a large Baracuda fish. So nice of those random fishermen, eh? Especially when they hardly speak the same language.

And that’s as far as i’ve seen until now. I am at episode 10, 5 for each gender. Now, i’ll say a few things about what the two genders talk about.

From the men, one of them men says, and nearly cries about, that he misses his family. Another one names a raft they make after a combination of his two daughters’ names.

From the women, apart from some mentions about boyfriends, they talk about teabagging and explain to an elder woman what it is, and mention that lime-leaves flavored water tastes “better than a cunnilingus”… So much for women caring about their family… All you can hear them saying is how strong they are.

That’s all for now. I’ll come back to you when the story progresses. Until then be a man. Any women are free to hate on me in the comments.

-G

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